"The period in your life where you literally want the ground to swallow you up in public situations several times a day."

1. Toilets
Our little girl has not long since been fully toilet trained (I'd say about 4 weeks.) This has introduced a whole new array of awkward moments for us.

- Taking her for a wee in a public toilet for the first time. "Mummy someone made a trump like this pppppprrrbbb"  (yes, someone in the next cubicle farted and she decided to not only comment on it, but to also echo the sound it made)

- "Mummy my poo, it went like this bang, bang, plop" (really, we all didn't need to know that)

- "I don't like them scary monsters" screams hysterically when another lady in the toilets goes to dry her hands. (yep, she meant the hand dryers!)

2. Tantrums
At home if she has a 'mini melt' we put her on the naughty step, however when we are out in public, its like she knows.

- Walking down the high street with my hands full with bags and she looks up at me and says "Carry Mummy" to which I reply "I can't babe, Mummy's hands are full, just walk a little bit further and we will be at the car" her reaction: starfishing on the floor whilst screaming like someone's being murdered, with everyone's beady eyes staring at the situation, and me having no free hand to do anything other than stand beside her and bribe her with chocolate when she gets in the car.

- When she doesn't want to eat her meal in the restaurant. "Ok, then leave it, but no dessert and you won't get anything else to eat" her reaction: launch the food across the table, wriggle like a worm off the chair, then makes herself as stiff as a board when parent tries to fish her out from under the table, all whilst doing the usual scream of death.

3. Lies
These have suddenly crept up, but she has a great way of making me look like a bad parent.

- After refusing to eat 3 different types of lunch, I told her she's having nothing else and that she will have to wait until snack time at nursery. She then cries the whole way to nursery and whilst I'm stood talking to one of the members of staff regarding increasing her hours, she go cries off to one of the other nursery teachers saying "I've had nothing to eat" to which the teacher replies "Oh have you not darling?" whilst looking over at me, "No, nothing" she claims. (Of course I made sure I set the record straight before we were reported to social services.)  

4. Grim Situations
I'm talking about the bogies and such like.

- When the nice kind lady in Boots was chatting to her and says to me "She's so much like you" then looks back down at her and she's picking her nose and eating it. (nice, seriously though, that's not like me)

- In the queue waiting to pay for my petrol and sweets she was promised, she appears to be doing some sort of dance, wiggling her bum. I genuinely thought she was dancing to the music and started laughing at her, along with several others who had noticed in the line too,  I said "what you doing chick, nice dancing?" she replied with "I've just got a itchy bum Mummy" (cringe)

- She had recently had a cold and to cheer her up I took her for a chippy dinner just me and her. Whilst stood at the counter placing our order she let out the BIGGEST sneeze I'd ever witnessed, resulting in snot particles flying everywhere. To make matters worse, I quickly attempted to rummage around in my pocket for a tissue, whilst she grinned at the lady behind the counter whilst licking the snot from her top lip. (aint they just beautiful little creatures... these things we call kids)


I'm going to keep adding to this post, I feel there are many more humiliating situations that I can include, these are just the ones from the past couple of weeks.

This pretty much sums it up.

Laura ❤